THE GOOD, THE BAD & THE MUGLY
OSCARS 2021
PARTIAL MENS STYLE DEBACLE
A full weeks purging later from the Oscars style fiasco witnessed last Sunday and I find my mind no freer of some of the heinous ‘Black Tie’ style wrongs committed. Perhaps because much of what is faulty with style culture full stop seemed encapsulated by certain clueless participants of the vaunted panache parade, who’s glamour squads are sorely misguided or just plain cruel. These served up with accompanying side order of gleeful nonsense style commentary. That said, some lads turned themselves out nicely, by contrast, and reckon it might be therapeutic for everyone involved to break it down a bit. I blame the entourages and this review has zero to do with the actual men or their achievements off carpet, Roger? Compelled to get this off my bib-front chest anyway, so here goes.
GOOD
FINE BURGUNDY
LIL REL HOWERY IN ZEGNA
Fav’ Oscar stance was Lil Rel Howery in burgundy velvet dinner jacket by Zegna with plucky satin peak lapels, black silk pleated dress shirt & studs and a nice fat bow tie. A proper dinner dress rig that dropped well at the most prestigious awards bash. Nice one Lil’, you were doing it big time. Looking so relaxed in this dark tonal retro ensemble Howery obviously isn’t some straight goer, but he is fully working black tie according to the invite, doing it through a Seventies Zegna velvet prism. Wide straight trew are ace, Lil Rel’s no waif and he’s dressed accordingly. Man of the match award (so far, doing this live mind).
BAD
GOLD MINGER
LESLIE ODOM JR GILTY AS CHARGED
How exactly did this happen to poor Leslie Jr? Cant fathom who’d proscribe a total gold contrivance in lieu of a tuxedo. It’s as though Odom’s been rended- evenly sprayed gold and dried by machine before being carefully lowered into a long wheel base pick-up truck for delivery at the red carpet without chipping gilt veneer. Aside from a sartorial busking human statue, this look functions best as a C3PO tribute statement, with no tie, no visible contrast on shirt, a roll neck, and absolutely nothing to do with black tie dinner dress. Odom Jr. does however qualify effortlessly as cruise ship headline entertainer about to do his song and dance comic turn.
“Ladies & gentleman.. Terrys All Gold on next! ..soon as the buffet is properly cleared“
Been digging Brioni’s recent finery endeavours, the DBs cut is probably good if not damn snug, but you just cant see passed the gilt anyway. Very soz Norbert*. Odom Jr’s a good looking, talented smoothy, yet he’s clearly been badly gold fingered.
MUGLY
CONFECTION OVER PERFECTION
PENNY FAILED TO DROP - CHARLES D KING
King was so close to something good, but he mugged himself with a two-tone sockless cake-walk. Chocolate silk & satin tux jacket combo I like, and Charles could have brought statement on home with some straight footwork, but tricksy two tone loafers are an Ivy League trip hazard. In black patent perhaps could have been neat little re-working of brief. The right black tie ticket is for a smooth ride, letting the eye glide-easy over the ensemble. But Instead of cheeky subversion, these fancies jar like iced doughnut-eclair hybrids at a yoga retreat. Confection over perfection
GOOD
RUFF & READY
OLD FASHIONED APLOMB - GARY OLDMAN
Mr.Gary Oldman personifies a straight up middle age man looking just right in a straight up dinner suit and double ready for the black tie award do. He’s even making personal flair moves with powder blue ruffed front shirt, patterned pocket schism and ‘real’ bow tie as bold as his smile. All this tells us G-’Man knows exactly what’s what in life, work and on the carpet. Which is why he’s so bloody confident he’s stood with his hands in his pockets. So many lads on the carp’ dont know what the hell to do with themselves, even my boys struggle sometimes. Guys, do what ya normally do, maybe? Thought you lot were actors. Cant you just pretend to be at ease? Use Oldman as pocket template.
BAD
SHOCKING PLANK
COLMAN DOMINGO’S PROM NIGHT HELL
Worst turn-out I saw, sadly for Domingo, whose glamour squad need court marshalling. This look don’t fit the brief, don’t fit the occasion, and certainly don’t fit the man. The No.1 prevailing big issue for male celebs at events is why bulky and in shape big blokes wear spray on suits? Cut hard to the body is so bridge&tunnel, boys. This is Hollywood not High Street Brentwood. Also, why have horrid coloured suits become a touchstone with stylists and designers alike for cool and modern without needing to be right or good. Tight & bright is all you need to hit best dressed list. At least Shawaddywaddy draped.
Domingos Pantone shocking pink is draining the carpet down to puce its so vivid. I blame the assembled courtier-circles who don’t know their notches from their flaps when it comes to tailoring, never mind protocol. Its hardly their faults. Millennial types grew up during the decade or more reign of Slimane’s first Dior skinny global diktat that has never really left many cultures (skinny remains bridge&tunnel architype to this day visits to larger London mainline stations at the weekend or bank holidays tell me). Seems these deprived folk have never seen alternatives.
Back to the Country & Western theme park massacre donned by Colman, looks like he’s been foisted a Versace sparkly cocktail suit that works better for a prom night dare than globally public black tie photo call. Chap didn’t stand a chance, right down to buttoning up the coat of an already corset tight suit, even though he’s in a waistcoat. Another good looking often stylish geeza gets skewered by the hype.
MUGLY
BOTTLE NECK
RIZ AHMED SHIRT & TIE INVITE FAIL
Suit was fine but turtle neck instead of bothering to do shirt and tie- its not a statement, its cop out. Yeah, he looks good, but not right for this bash. I think actually makes him look bit worried to do it properly.
GOOD
(PEoNY) VALUE ADDED TUX
JON BATISTE IN DIOR
The impact of a tall man in a lean, streamline tuxedo should not be under estimated- Not like its dull, either, right? Dior classic suit with Dior broach and peony. I am very happy, if not emotional.
BAD
TRAVON FREE D&G BEE DOG TRIBUTE CATASTROPHE
Am certain this was well intended by Mr.Free, but on black tie level it reads as bit of an insult to the bereaved families and the victims of American police shooting people dead, with names hand sewn into lining by actual Dominco & Stefano themselves. It dont look particularly sombre, particularly if you google Bee-Dogs (click), so dont do it.
MUGLY
FORGOT TIE-
SHAME COS GOOD TREWS ON MIKKEL EG NIELSEN
GOOD
ON THE DOUBLE CREAM
KEMP POWERS
BAD
SHIRT-SHOW POSTAL SHOE SHAME
DANIEL KALUUYA IN BOTTEGA VENETA
Reckon am gonna get agro for this but got call it like I see it. Kaluuya looks like he didnt wanna wear this at all. Its a potentially handsome double breasted coat, and trust me I’ve been putting street savvy boys in DB with round neck and neckchains for a while for posh dos. But not a black tie bash. More bad advice from entourage? Daniel dont look like a Lion on in the den in this one. The fit on the trews is wrong, and the postal worker shoes are a straight red on the red carpet…
..bloody hell this is taking all weekend- If you like this- lemme know and I’ll finish ‘the job’, roger?
GOOD
ART DIRECTION SPECIAL
ASHTON SANDERS IN NON IRL APPEARANCE
GOOD
SOFT TONAL SCANDO
PETER SPEARS
MUGLY
COMING BACK TO THIS
QUESTLOVE
GOOD
DAY TUX
SACHA BARON COHEN
FLY
BLACK TIE FAIL, BUT SO GOOD, SO WHAT?
LAKEITH STANFIELD
Stubbs out.
This report obviously isnt finished, right? Just wanted to see what it looked like, then got bit sidetracked and started prodding my marinated lamb chop**
* nice Brioni Creative Director guy, sad face, sorry.
**Not a euphemism