HIGH PLANES TITFER

A TRANSATLANTIC STRAW POLE OF LEAVERS

On a New York to London flight in business class sat a man in with a wooden spoon sort of face face, wearing a large Panama hat. Plain yet distinct, his simple features looked like they were applied from an identikit. A small, straight slot mouth, and his fixed expression evoked a character from Camberwick Green (click). Or perhaps Trompton, with faint smirk, spectacled-raisin eyes and dense, short eyebrows set just below the curled brim of his Panama, worn as confidently as a John Wayne wears his cowboy hat in True Grit. The rest of the get up was true Brit however- archetypal Eton trifles travel, including leaving your posh hat on.

BRIM REAPER

BRIM JOB OUT OF THE QUESTION?

This in-flight Panama-on sighting is etched into my behavioral stylistic core. A decade has passed, but the spectacle of cabin hat pomposity remains vivid. Somehow a sun hat worn with such innate impudence illustrates the complete right of passage certain types feel. A sheer impunity from shame. It has permanently disfigured my Panama protocols.

CABIN LEAVER

ARISTOS CAMPAIGN TO LEAVE PANAMAS ON

In shirt-sleeves, club tie and slacks (blazer removed), this Englishman was holding a small baby. Arms almost straight out in front as if suspiciously inspecting a submission on the The Antiques Roadshow, while displaying similar affections usually applied to reading a road map.

NEVER MIND THE RELICS

PATERNITY PATINA INSPECTION

I didn’t recognise the travelling Panama hat man but his aloof countenance struck me. Studiously blanking his struggling wife, (who was) harassed and wrestling three tantrumming toddlers, he remained oblivious to her struggles. She was hot and bothered, generally bedraggled and stressed, having abandoned her modesty due to practical nursing demands beneath her loose cotton shirt. He didn’t clock a moment of her predicament, nor the occasional gurgling of his charge. He showed zero emotion or engagement with anything else on the plane as a matter of fact. It was a showcase of self containment and thick-skinned composure, and no doubt a prerequisite of wearing a conspicuous sunhat on an aircraft. And in an airport. To not give a jot is the trick.

TOP PRAT

LORD STRAW-HAW

This high planes titfer was none other than the pantomime evil Tory MP, Jacob Rees Mogg. Lord Straw-Haw himself, sat bolt upright in his business class saddle with a massive homburg-like panama on his head holding his own baby with detatched distain. Behold the poster boy for the leavers campaign- as in leave your Panama on during the whole journey.

REES MOGG - PANAMA TWAT

TOO EASY? PANAMA TITTY WAS OTHER IDEA

This mise-en-scène launched the campaign against leaving for me . Non-stop panama wearers are a specific type or man, and I do not identify as one. That said, am throwing my hat in the ring to wear a Panama hat in new and less obnotious manners. Stay tuned if you fancy that.

Stubbs out.