PANAMA DIKTATS

HAT REFUSAL

THE REAL BRIM SHADEY

Hat-packing for travel had be investigated, as I flatly refuse to join the ranks of Panama pillocks sporting theirs complacently while migrating to Tuscany. Cant bare those straight-up, clear-conscious middle Englander chino-sods. Admit am repelled by their ‘enflightled’ button-down Oxford smug, lack of shame on the plane.

HATISFACTION

I CAN’T GET NO

Level-pegging on the naff stakes are low-end titfer-twats wearing roughly hewn, skinny-brimmed straw hats while on root to Magaluf, dressed permanently in pokey knee length denim shorts, hoddies and other such infantile garb. These shoddy, thick straw trilbies with gappy weaves and cheap bands, evoke Chas and Dave eating cockles and whelks in Margate (…scuppering my string bag clams & parsley purchasing in a wide brimmed Monticristo fantasy)..

EASY GET & RYAN HAIR

BUDGET AIRLINE ATTACHÉS CHAS & DAVE

I’ve felt the urge to wear a Panama hat while on holiday abroad these last summers. Largely to protect my half-redhead complexion from hot sun, as I’m certainly not donning a bucket hat or other juvenile regalia at my age. And while sun defense is a practical need, truth told I actually fancy dropping some Panama style stances. But potential for protection and style are not a problem. It’s transporting the awkward so-and-sos that’s the burning issue. 

BYRNE OUT

OFFENCIVE ON THE PLANE

I do own two good specimens, but previously have only ‘used’ them in my London back garden during rare, strong sun, noting their brims provide far better shade than sunglasses for reading screens. I’ve heard claims Panama hats aren’t packable as their fragile structure of finely woven Toquilla straw cracks and breaks easily. But this is scare-millongering, surly?

SQUID CHIC

PANAMA HAT TRAVEL EXPERIMENT

Compelled by scorn and resentments, I have conducted experimental missions to mainland Europe, packing my Anderson & Sheppard Panama gently ‘folded’ into my hand luggage. I can confirm this utterly buggers them up. Panamas do crack. Scar, dent and fracture.

CRACK HEAD

FLAT PACKED PANAMA

Whole sections shear off when re-animated. Despite becoming adept at reshaping and crease removal using the steam from a kettle, the larger gashes and actual holes are beyond repair. These delicate and superior creations are not to be trifled with- crisp brims and sculptured forms are the result of super-artisan skills and were not made for getting bent-up like pretzels and flattened in suitcases.

YO SOY DE ECUADOR!

(I AM FROM ECUADOR!)

NOT BLOODY PANAMA

Grades of Panama hat differ according to weave fineness- tighter, finer strands equates to lighter and more flexible hats which require far more workmanship, and hence command far higher costs. Some models take teams of Ecuadorian craftsmen three months to painstakingly construct. Ecuador is where they are made. Not Panama. Just because that Theodore Roosevelt was photographed wearing a fine Toquilla straw hat while visiting the building site of the Panama canal in 1943, it triggered not only the hats craze-like rise in popularity but its global  misnomer. By 1944 “Panama” hats were Ecuador’s top export, and Roozers-V offically became the worlds first global style influencer.

HURT HAT RE-HAB

Having resuscitated this battered, flatened Panama best I could, the hat and I holidayed on regardlless of cracks, scars, holes and fractures. The Panama has seen better days too. How I style Panamas into my high summer stances in follow post.

Stubbs out.

PANYL NITRATE

A&S PANAMA AND I MANY YEARS BEFORE